Mar. 4th, 2017

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raoul de chagny: voted most likely to dab at an inopportune time

Well then maybe his hand would be at the level of his eye for fucking once
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another thing that I think about a lot is how absolutely terrible han solo is at calculating when he’s going to make planetfall

which is not to say han solo is bad with numbers, han solo is one of those self-taught savants, who can do complicated interest calculations in his head; what han solo cannot do is the finicky interstellar calculus that tells you if you start out at 1800 hours local time, on a planet with a 90 hour sidereal day, and travel at 9 parsecs per hour, skipping between the Terrabe Bypass and the Alui Corridor, you’ll make planetfall on Tatooine around 0700 local time, just when everybody’s headed out to the noonday meal.

that’s the kind of shit he hates.

it also results in an unending string of hilarious misadventures wherein han solo arrives at precisely the wrong time anywhere he goes and ends up 1) preventing the kidnapping of a young duke’s son because everyone else was asleep, 2) dropping through atmo at the exact right moment to stop an Imperial rollout of monitoring droids, because he throught the no fly order wasn’t in effect until the next day, 3) hanging around at high noon, waiting for jabba to come back from his daily nap, only to be waylaid by a man claiming to be a jedi and his wide-eyed kid, 4) amusing leia to no end as he sits at one of the mess hall tables, biting his thumb and trying to work out four-dimensional calculus with a flimsi napkin and an old-fashioned stylus, 5) annoying his son to no end as he was late for everything, yes, dad, everything—uncle luke said you arrived four days after I was born.

better late than never, han says with a grin, every time. and anyway, your mom was on a planet with a very short solar cycle, messed up everything.

for his 40th birthday, leia buys him a top of the line galactic calculator, which only needs the local time, and then galactic coordinates of origin and destination to estimate the local time of arrival.

she finds han at the kitchen table three days later, biting his thumb and working out the time to the outer rim with a flimsi napkin, and a stylus.
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I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true


“Hey, that— that guy, in the corner, is that— is that Superman?” 

Clark looks up from his computer at the new intern. “Oh, no,” he says. “You caught me.”

“Clark, you pull this shit every time, man,” his desk neighbor Steve says. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No, the kid’s right, I’m Superman,” Clark says. He gets out of his seat and cracks his back out. “I guess we’re gonna have a superhero fight.”

“Clark, sit back down.”

“Nope. Superhero fight.”

“Clark if you don’t sit the hell back down and finish your article by lunch I am going to tell Perry on you.”

Clark points at the intern. “You get off easy this time, buddy,” he says, and sits back down. 

“So…” the intern says, very lost. “Uh…”

“That’s Clark,” a slightly older and more experienced intern says. “He’s Superman’s asshole twin.”
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“I’m sorry. The gate… I opened it.”
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This is SO important.

this is on my obligatory reblog list


always chill your cookie dough if you want still chewy/soft cookies after a few days (or if you’re shipping them).

keep’s the bastards from spreading out too quickly in the oven and therefor keeps them nice and soft in the middle while keeping them from suffering from that underdone soggy thing that some times happens.



This site is super informative, and it’s actually one of the sites I consulted when I was concocting the Fuck It Brownies recipe – just tons of good info. 

That said…the person doing the testing/eating often has a very specific kind of outcome they want, and it is almost never the outcome I want, which I find kind of hilarious. It’s very much a sense of “thank you for testing and rejecting several recipes, I will take reject #2 because we want drastically different things out of a muffin.”
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Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ in Yiddish, by klezmer musician Daniel Kahn

can I just say, I love this version so much not just because it’s beautiful in its own right (it is), but because it’s such a good translation? it’s by no means an exact translation, but a lot of times when I see translated music, people strive to be as close to exact as possible, and what’s so great is that Daniel Kahn doesn’t do that. he doesn’t have to–he’s coming from the same background as Leonard Cohen, he understands all of the religious allusions as well as the uniquely Jewish viewpoint behind them. so he allows himself to stray from the literal words, and having that freedom actually makes his translation (and re-translation) more authentic because it has the same nuance and underlying meaning as the original.

which I think is especially poignant for Hallelujah, because a lot of Christian artists have covered this song and totally changed or eliminated the most explicitly Jewish verse–the one that references “the name”–in favor of one that describes the explicitly Christian “holy dove/ghost/spirit.” which sucks because and it’s a really powerful verse, and I think putting it back into its original context, and then translating it into and then back from Yiddish makes it even more powerful.
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im in awe


The Sound of Silence is probably one of my favorite songs ever. When speaking of the “true” Simon and Garfunkel version (as opposed to the version where they added background music to in post to make it more “pop radio”), it’s a song that gives me chills.

Disturbed is not a band that I really enjoy. I remember in college, my (now) wife gave me a copy of a Disturbed CD, because she had two for some reason. I tried to listen to it, I really did. Didn’t do anything for me.

But this? Holy fuck, this is stunning. This is amazing.

This gives me chills.

Holy shit, you have to listen to the whole sing. 

I have chills. 

Holy SHIT.

This is the band who did “Down With The Sickness”????


If you stop before three minutes you’re missing the truly mind-blowing bit
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He says he’s a man of peace, but he walks in war.
I’m having the time of my life, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.Even if it kills me.
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snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children. 

He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions

But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”

He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.

Yes! Rebloging for the original post and the comments. This is gold!
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I know discourse is the word of choice in fandom nowadays but I kind of wish we would have stuck with “fandom wank” because it carries the implication that the anger involved culminated into effectively nothing and that the act was wholeheartedly masturbatory in nature rather than for any greater cause.

I saw this post about an hour after I saw a post that said, essentially, “There should be a word for that thing where [exactly describes ‘squeeing’].”

I feel like the time has come to produce something like this:



Squee: The noise you make when something is so good that all you can really do is squeak or squeal. A high pitched sound of delight, often accomanied by hugging yourself or others.

Squick: A fic/art/concept/topic that is repellent to you, so you reject association with it and instead retreat to your personal comfortable spaces- all the while remembering that someone else’s comfort is not your own.

YKINMKATO: Also called “kink tomato.” Abbreviation meaning “your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.” Used to explain why you are rejecting art or fic brought to you by someone else. A solid mantra to recall instead of sending flames in people’s comments

Flames: The comment equivalent of anon hate.

AMV: “animated music video” or “anime music video.” Often, this is stylized to fit a specific fandom, such as a “PMV” (pony music video) in my little pony. May also be referred to as a lyricstuck.

Filk: Combination of the words “film” and “folk,” this is a music genre, to which “fan songs” and “fan parody covers” belong. If you don’t really understand what this means, take a quick listen to American Pie, then compare Weird Al Yankovic’s Saga Begins

BNF: Big name fan. You know that one person who is just so fuckign popular in your fandom? Their art is always on your dash, everyone knows their fics? Being spoken to directly by them is basically being noticed by everyone ever’s senpai? That’s what these people are called.

DL:DR; Not unliked the teal deer (tl;dr, or “too long, didn’t read”), DLDR means “don’t like? Don’t read!” It’s a reminder that you are under no obligation, ever, to expose yourself to uncomfortable (or, squicky), or potentially harmful (or, triggering), material. Not ever. If you don’t actively like something? It’s not worth your time. Skip it.

Gen: or “genfic” “genart” etc. Fan works which contain no or very little romantic content. Often these are styled after the canon material, and may be called “episodic” ro “slice of life” in addition. 

Lemon: Work containing strong pornographic elements

Lime, or Citrus: Work containing mild or implicit pornographic elements

Sockpuppeting: The surprisingly common scenario of someone making a bunch of fake accounts/sideblogs to send themselves reviews or hate, to try to increase views or drama surrounding a work. The accounts they make are called Sockpuppets. 

WAFF: Warm and fluffy feelings. A genre of fic that exists just to be therapeutically sweet. Nowadays, usually just called “fluffy.”

Schmoop: Take WAFF and somehow make it even more syrupy. You’ll know it when you see it.

Whump: Imagine if you will, a hurt-comfort fic. The comfort might be considered WAFF. The hurt? That’s the whump.

Wapanese: When white autors pepper their anime fanfic with random, tonally inappropriate japanese words. 

Anthropomorfic: Nowadays we just call these “humanstuck” or “humanized AU.”

Wank: Wildly disproportionate drama that crops up because someone wrote/drew/did something that someone else didn’t like. Seriously, I cannot begin to express the fiascos that have come about from all this. Just… Just go look at this.

 Plot bunny: Story ideas that you probably won’t ever actually deal with, but that multiply entirely out of control, creating huge worlds in your head that you’re probably not going to write. But hey! You might! And until then they make great sideblogs/askblogs/tumblr posts.

Casefic: Fanfics that try to create an episode-like feel for procedural and crime dramas, moster of the week shows, etc.

Jossed: When popular fan theories and fanon are addressed in the canon of a series, and whoops, turns out we were all very, very wrong.

Kripked: When popular fan theories and fanon are addressed in the canon of a show and, hot damn, we fucking called it.

Secret Masters: The people who run the websites/ communities/etc that we all do our fanning on. Less relevant now that we have things like tumblr, but when everyone had to run their own archival and social sites for each fandom, it was more important to pay our respects to the strange and powerful beings that brought us all together and gave us our fannish homes. Think the staff of AO3, for example.

Bashing: When a writer purposefully writes a specific character as a horrible, horrible person so that they can throw them out of the storyline, usually to allow their OTP to get together without trouble. Distinct from fridging in that it doesn’t require the character to die, but rather to be such a screaming harpy that they get rightfully removed from the main characters’ lives for being an abusive hell beast. Generally, a type of character hate. Be wary of people who bash women, queer people, and POC with consistency: they are not safe to be around.

‘Squick’ also has an alternate horrible meaning for Harry Potter fans who were in fandom a while back. Dear god.


Purple prose: Fic that is excessively flowery and complicated. Basically the “me, an intellectual” meme. If it has the phrase “cerulean orbs” you know it’s purple prose.

Beige prose: The opposite of purple prose. Basically, the plainest (and, if done wrongly, the most boring) type of prose.

R&R: Read & review. Back from when fic comments were called “reviews” and there was no such fucking thing as the kudos button.

*wipes a tear away* I feel so vintage.

Know your history children.

important history lesson

*stares out. breaks fourth wall*


For all you young’uns out there.

Also, I’ve seen people tag a ship-focused fic both M/M and Gen on AO3. Just because it also features friendships doesn’t make it Gen! If the main focus is a romantic relationship, do the Gen readers (which is not me, but they do exist) a favor and don’t tag it Gen.

^^^^^^^ THIS. filters are only useful if things are tagged correctly and i can’t search for non-ship fic when everything is tagged for both ship AND gen :(

please for the love of god tag responsibly and don’t make people who are looking for non-romance fic suffer


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