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lannamichaels:

eldabe:

ecofriendlylovepod:

chazberry:

softconnor:

mangohue:

@ all of u that hate mint ice cream: what happened

if you think i’m gonna eat frozen toothpaste you are Mistaken 

this forces me to believe that you’ve either never had mint ice cream or have never brushed your teeth

@eldabe

GPOY
…ugh mint, ew. 

+1. Anything mint just tastes like toothpaste.
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ihavenolifebutidohavewifi:

maralie:

i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”

i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly

truth
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jtrocks9:

QUALITY JOURNALISM LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
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youandthemountains:

abrightshiningstar:

minerfromtarn:

And in case you wanted to know why Leia was kicked out of boarding school.

[text referring to Princess Leia from a database, likely as a bonus/flavor text in a videogame:
Letter to Senator Bail Organa:
To the Most Respected Senator Organa,
It is with the deepest regret that I must return to you your thirty-thousand credit bond, and your Princess. Our institution has existed for several thousand years. It prides itself in molding young girls from Alderaan’s finest families into young women whose behavior and decorum is the pride of those families.
However, we believe that Princess Leia is incapable of conforming to our standards. This is the unanimous decision of the Board of Directors, and was arrived at due to three separate infractions.
a) The Princess led a sit-in rebellion of students during breakfast, when they were served bottled juice instead of freshly squeezed.
b) The Princess re-programmed the PA system to play the Anthem of the Republic (in direct violation of Imperial Edict 2.33b) during assembly.
c) The Princess sliced a secure mainframe and swapped every reference to Emperor Palpatine with Emperor… well, let us just say that is is a word seven year old Princesses should not know.
Yours, with respect,
Madam Nestor,
Govorness, Grevasse City Colloglum for Young Ladies]

LEIA ORGANA GOT KICKED OUT OF BOARDING SCHOOL BC SHE WAS A LITTLE ANTI-IMPERIALIST PUNK
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postcardsfromspace:

orchidbreezefc:

dryadgurrl:

cykelops:

- vampires vs xmen
- god damn it where is [insert xmen]
- youre a better leader. no youre a better leader. no youre a better leader. no youre a b
- someone dies
- someone comes back to life
- THE XMEN GO TO SPACE
- magneto is in the yard and wont leave

- Time for the annual kidnapping (either Mags and Charlie or Sabretooth and Logan, occasionally others)
- House blowing up builds character
- Put that thing back where it came from or so help me

-i came back from the future because you need to stop

-your best friend turns out to be mystique

-hey look some new x kids, time to ignore the ones we already had for the rest of *checks watch* forever

-the x men are DISBANDED!!!!!

-alternate universe babies

-your best friend turns out to be a clone/xorn/psychic projection

-well i guess it was Mr. Sinister all along

-fuck the Summers family

-no seriously fuck the Summers family

-i quit the x-men but normal life sucks

-just like the last time but i guess kind of grittier

-fuck the Summers family… IN SPACE

-wellp i guess Charles faked his own death again

-goddamnit Hank don’t put that there
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whatisyourchildhoodtrauma:

tfw someone says that Sunnydale Cordelia was nothing but ‘shallow and selfish’ and ‘not a good character until Angel The Series’
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Sep. 15th, 2017 10:39 pm
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skywalkerapologist:

Things I had never considered about Alderaan’s destruction until this very moment: thisThings I was not prepared to start bawling over at midnight: also this, holy shit
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jayalaw:

friendlytroll:

cat–77:

toloveviceforitself:

onewit-torulethem-all:

prokopetz:

toloveviceforitself:

prokopetz:

andersonsallpurpose:

prokopetz:

moonbelowsea:

prokopetz:

If you ever feel like you must be the most unobservant person in the world, remember: I once spent half a year failing to notice that my new favourite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the Ukrainian mafia.

(I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but in retrospect, the fact that it was always dead no matter the time of day - I think the busiest I ever saw it was five people, myself included - well, that should have been a tipoff. Also, the waitstaff kept calling me “Mr. Prokopetz”, which I had assumed was just part of the restaurant’s gimmick, but given that “Prokopetz” is a Ukrainian surname, I’m now force to wonder whether they’d thought I was, you know, in the business. I just liked the pierogi!)

What I need to know is how on earth did OP finally realize his favorite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the mafia.

I’d like to say I put together the clues, but in reality, I just showed up one day to find that the place had been indefinitely shut down, and later learned it was because the managers had all been arrested.

What I really want to know is how good the food was?

Excellent, if your tastes run to the “heavy cream and too much garlic” end of the spectrum.

Every crime front I’ve ever eaten at has had completely amazing food, honestly. I am pretty convinced that if you want to open a front, you don’t choose “restaurant” as your front-business unless you have a relative who loves to cook.

It tickles me that this is evidently a sufficiently common experience that people find it relatable. (Seriously, check the notes!) We should write reviews or something.

did I just read the line “every crime front I’ve ever eaten at” with my own two eyes

Look, I went to college and lived my early adulthood in a town whose entire thing was import/export, and we had a lot of restaurants that were suspiciously empty except when they were closed and filled with very serious men in nice clothes.

They were usually run by someone who was about the right age to be some adult’s parents or grandparents, and in the case of the two Korean restaurants matching this description, they didn’t speak English. Universally though, they were very pleased to see customers, very proud of their cooking, and very very interested in keeping us far away from the aforementioned serious men in nice clothes. And despite having huge dining rooms and never having more than a couple customers, they never went out of business.

Also, because I am very, very stupid and sometimes don’t think before I talk, I once said loudly, over the phone, while sitting in one of these places, “Hey! Yeah if you want to meet us, we’re eating at [place]. You know…[place]? You totally know it. The Front, on Warwick st!”

The looks I got from every single employee were amazing and then I left.

We had a corner store/deli-place near our apartment in college. Everyone knew they were in on something and no one cared because they looked out for their customers and their neighborhood as a whole.

They started stocking my favorites because I mentioned them within hearing range once, would tell their “vendors” to move out of the way if we stopped in. I walked a different route home and got harassed one night and they asked after me. When they found out what happened, they declared “Consider it taken care of, you should never be afraid around here.” Never happened again.

Everyone needs their friendly neighborhood crime lord.

This is both my favorite and makes me fondly remember home. Less of the  eateries, more of the mysterious retail joints that never seem to close despite no one ever buying anything, though. Well. Aside from the juice bar. Didnt last, though. 

Wow. My God
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prince-atom:

ace-pervert:

evilkitten3:

lands-of-fantasy:

davidmann95:

ioplokon:

fenrislorsrai:

bastlynn:

mierac:

prokopetz:

It’s often been remarked that Spider-Man’s schtick wouldn’t work nearly so well if he didn’t live in a town with so many tall buildings, but consider: how well would Batman’s “I am the night” routine work if he was operating out of a normal city where people actually live, rather than a perpetually twilit urban hellscape that looks like the Art Deco movement had a one-night stand with Soviet Brutalism in a wrought-iron-and-gargoyle factory?

That is my favorite description of the Batman aesthetic ever.

OMDFG that’s a perfect description.

Imagine Spiderman ballooning in wide open areas.  No, sorry, can’t get to that crime, its against the prevailing wind.

Also, Batman brooding on top of a Wafflehouse.

Batman: God, this stupid city with its sufficient lighting and lack of crumbling infrastructure to shoot grappling hooks into

Superman: Everyone for miles has lead poisoning, I’ve spent the entire night stopping crossword puzzle museum robberies and heists at the Second National Bank of Gotham on the corner of second street and second avenue, and earlier the wall of…clouds? smog?…cleared up for a minute and I’m pretty sure the sky was literally blood red

I HATE METROPOLIS FUCK EVERYONE WHO LIVES THERE i’m not super into gotham IT IS THE WORST PLACE ON EARTH AND I HOPE IT BLOWS UPWHY DO THESE PEOPLE LIKE THE SUN SO MUCH it’s kinda gloomy a lil bit of a bummer WHY THE FUCK DOES CLARK WANNA DO THIS HOUSE SWAP THING i saw a reality tv show and i was like bruce we gotta try this

this raises the question, though: how many potential superheroes aren’t in the hero business because the place they live doesn’t work with their powers/aesthetic????

More importantly how many villians arent heroes because the city they’re in is wrong for them

How long can Clark operate as Superman in a city where the sun never shines?

How many times has Bruce, running on muscle memory, turned on some light-amplification gear and blinded himself?
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Sep. 15th, 2017 12:32 am
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“No , Dadaism isn’t daddy kink, you ANIMALS.”
- Things my art history prof has had to clear up. (via gallusrostromegalus)
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Sep. 15th, 2017 12:13 am
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anotheralexandros:

I know it’s fun to mock grocery stores for their nonsense Jewish holiday displays, but I have to admit I do kind of love it when a holiday comes around and the whole kosher section is discounted.

“All right, it’s Rosh Hashana, what do you eat on Rosh Hashana? Noodles? Matzo ball soup? Gefilte fish? Kosher for Passover cake? Falafel? Fuck it, it’s all on sale, take it all, happy holidays.”
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books-and-cookies:

“Hermione took out a list of subjects and titles she had decided to search while Ron strode off down a row of books and started pulling them off the shelves at random. Harry wandered over to the Restricted Section.” 

Okay but this is legit a summary of how the trio works: Hermione is methodical and organised, Ron is “fuck this I’m winging it #yolo”, and Harry looks for something illegal to do.
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malicemanaged:

reddit-tales:

So, possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the “women want him, men want to *be* him” stuff in old movies? Well I’m a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!

I’m having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a date. It is.. not going well. Guy was being rather creepy and making some pretty inappropriate comments, the girl doesn’t look at all comfortable.

The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly, my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says “well, least I know you can swallow right?”. Loudly.

Girl goes red and tells him that isn’t appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a “shoo” type motion and says “oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway”.

I missed her exact reply as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said - fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with “sweetheart I picked you up, I know where you live”. She lost the colour in her face and said nothing.

No. No. Fuck no. I’m one of those “get involved” type of people and there is no way I’m sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.

I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says “Easy.. I’ve got this one son”. Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to “stab him in the neck” and I’m already thinking maybe that’s not the best idea, I sit down.

He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn’t have any colour in his face.

Cop: “So, I’m quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?”

Guy: “I, ah, well, um, you see..”

Cop: “That’s what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I’m deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up.”

Guy: “oh no well that…”

Cop: “But that would disrupt everyone’s dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, because I wouldn’t want you running off on me, then you go see one of the staff here and settle your bill.. the full bill now, this young lady shouldn’t go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I’ll leave it up to you.”

Guy: “No no! That’s perfectly fine!” \*hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter\*

Cop: \*while writing down the guys details\* “Sorry about that miss, I hope I’m not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don’t worry, if you want to pursue this further I’ll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further.”

Girl: “No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here”.

Cop: \*shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second\* “Well I’m here with my daughter, she’s about your age, perhaps you’d like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you’d like, unless you’d prefer to call someone else?”

Girl: “Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much!”

\*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop\*

Guy: “Uh so, I’ve paid the bill, if I could have my ID back..”.

Cop: “There you go.. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don’t go near or contact this young lady ever again.”

Guy: “Yes yes of course, I’m so sorry!”

The guy pretty much fled the restaurant, the girl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap.

It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero.

Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his life.
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Sep. 11th, 2017 01:44 am
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stupidape:

BTVS meme: 6 episodes [6/6] - Prophecy Girl
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jojostarz:

When people say they remember their childhood perfectly and not in bits and pieces with mostly a black void of nothingness like me

?? hoW in th e fuk ???
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paladin-katie-holt:

clodicusmaximus:

dickslapthestate:

keepitmovinshawty:

aheartmadeofkyber:

So Delta flight 302 flew in to San Juan, picked up passengers, and threaded one arm of Irma on the way out. The pilot basically said “hold my beer” and took on a hurricane.

I am not entirely convinced that Poe Dameron was not flying this plane, to be honest.

You can read the Twitter thread here.

Everything about that story was amazing. Delta probably set a record for the turnaround too.

“And if the passengers would look out of the starboard window, they will see A MOTHERFUCKING HURRICANE. ALSO A HURRICANE TO PORT AS WELL.”

My dude landed and took off in less than an hour and squeezed between the arm of the hurricane and the core:

not to mention that the northwest quarter of a hurricane has the highest wind speed and most dangerous weather and they still did it

MEDALS FOR EVERYONE

Also, calling it, this is going to be made into a heartwarming movie
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