jeb124: (Default)
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So, there’s this trend that happens in liberal/activist spaces, where the second gentiles find out you’re Jewish, they no longer trust you unless you immediately, completely denounce every aspect of Israel down to its very existence. 

Example: at UCLA, a Jewish woman named Rachel Beyda applied for the student council. They interrogated her about whether she would be able to be “objective” because she was Jewish. They literally asked her, “Given that you are a Jewish student and very active in the Jewish community, how do you see yourself being able to maintain an unbiased view?”
I have experienced this interrogation and distrust personally, in activist spaces at UCSC. At one point I even made a Facebook post about it because I was curious if it was just me and discovered that every other Jewish person I know at UCSC had also experienced something similar. Leftists do not welcome or trust Jews who have any qualms about disavowing Israel. 
To be clear: I’m NOT talking about acknowledging that the Israeli government is committing human rights violations against Palestinians. That should be obvious, and isn’t inherently antisemitic. What IS antisemitic is this trend that has been going on for years in liberal activist spaces, where the second a Jewish person is involved in literally anything, ie Existing While Jewish, gentiles HAVE to bring up Israel, and quiz us on it until they’re satisfied that we have completely denounced it, including its right to exist. And if we don’t denounce every aspect of it to their satisfaction, then obviously we must support the genocide of Palestinians and are cast out of activist spaces. 
That’s what’s going on with Gal Godot. The plot of Wonder Woman had NOTHING to do with Israel or Palestine but because she is Israeli, because she served in the Israeli Army (which by the way, is mandatory, and also she served as a goddamn fitness instructor) gentiles are pouring out of the woodwork to deem her “problematic.” And I’m fucking pissed. 
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lannamichaels:

animatedamerican:

storylessposts:

animatedamerican:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

animatedamerican:

terfs-can-die:

Jews wanting to know if someone is Jewish is very different from goyim wanting to know if someone is Jewish

There’s an old Jewish joke about that, because of course there is.

dare i ask what it is

(look, I left that wide open, somebody had to ask what it is)

So it’s sometime in late-19th-century Europe, and a little old Jewish man is taking a journey by train.  Where’s he going? I don’t know where he’s going, that’s not part of the story.  He’s just sitting there in the train car with his little suitcase, minding his own business, maybe watching the scenery go by, when suddenly –

– suddenly the door between cars opens, and a big burly guy swaggers in and plants himself in the middle of the aisle, and bellows “Are there any Jews in this car?”

Of course there’s dead silence, and of course our guy is frozen, because all his personal and cultural experience tells him that answering yes automatically to that question is not a survival-oriented behavior.

“Any Jews in this car?” the big man repeats, getting impatient – and he looks like the kind of man who gets angry when he’s impatient.

Except our guy is suddenly angry himself, because it’s not right that this kind of question should make him so afraid.

So he drops his suitcase on the floor, thump, and he gets to his feet and he shouts “Yes!  I’m a Jew!  What do you care?”

And the big man looks at him and beams like the sun coming up, and says “Chasdei Hashem!  Come with me, reb yid, we need a tenth for a minyan in the next car.”

Okay, I’ll bite, what do those words mean in English? (“Reb yid”, “chasdei hashem”, “minyan”)

Because I’m raised by a Lutheran Christian and a reform Jew and I don’t actually have a good grip on any culture to begin with.

Translations ahoy!

A minyan is a quorum of ten adults (in Orthodox and other more traditional circles, ten male adults), required for communal prayer.  Certain parts of the liturgy can only be said in communal prayer, which means it’s fairly common for a group of nine to be looking for a tenth.

Chasdei is the plural-possessive of chesed, which can be translated as “kindness".  Hashem literally means “the Name”, and it’s used as a stand-in for God’s name in casual conversation (which is to say, essentially any mention of God outside of prayer).  The phrase “chasdei Hashem” means “kindnesses of God”, more or less, and is used in the exclamatory sense of “God is good!” upon experiencing or hearing of good fortune.

Reb yid literally means “Rabbi Jew”, which sounds super weird in English and will call for some unpacking.  Reb is used in most Yiddish-speaking communities roughly the way sir is used in English; while its original meaning denotes a specific formal title, it also has a casual courtesy meaning that one uses instead of saying “hey you.”  Yid, when used by native Yiddish speakers, means not just “Jew” but “fellow Jew”.  The phrase together is thus used as polite address to a stranger whom the (Jewish) speaker knows to also be Jewish.

seeing the phrase “chasdei hashem” always makes me start singing miami boys choir, it’s a serious affliction. #dayschoolproblems
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witchy-woman:

jewish-privilege:

In a thousand-year-old language like Yiddish, with many of its words rooted in the ancient Bible, how would you say “email”? Or “transgender”? Or “designated driver”? Or “binge watch”?

Those terms came into popular usage long after the language’s heyday, when it was the lingua franca of the Jews of Eastern Europe and the garment workers of the Lower East Side and was the chosen literary tongue for writers like Sholem Aleichem and Isaac Bashevis Singer. Though the Holocaust and assimilation have shrunk the ranks of Yiddish speakers — once put at over 11 million worldwide — to a relative handful, Yiddish still needs to keep itself fashionably up-to-date.

So two of its conservationists have produced the first full-fledged English-to-Yiddish dictionary in 50 years and it is designed to carry Yiddish into the 21st century and just maybe beyond. After all, Yiddish has always had a canny way of defying the pessimists.

“Email”? How is “blitspost” — a combination of the Yiddish words for “lightning” and “mail”? “Transgender”? How’s “tsvishnminik,” which blends the common Yiddish words for “between” and “type.” “Designated driver”? “Der nikhterer shofer” does the trick by fusing the Yiddish word for “sober” with that for “driver.” And “binge watch” is “shlingen epizodn,” literally “wolf down episodes.”

… “In the long run if you keep borrowing English, you end up speaking English,” he said.

Read Joseph Berger’s full piece in The New York Times.

!!!!
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oh my god, is this my thing now. OKAY, fair warning, this one’s gonna be… real long.

OKAY SO LIKE. way back in the waybackwhen, we’ve been kicked outta judea for the… first? second? first time. (we got kicked out of israel/judea a… few times. we got kicked out of spain twice, we got kicked out of the netherlands three times, we got kicked out of france and bavaria five times, we got kicked out of mainz in particular four times

god bless the gentiles honestly they’re god’s appointed travel agency. ANYWAY)

so we’re in persia. and we’re under the rule of king ahasueare– king ahahasay– king ahasueueueueue-

KING AHASARARUARAUAEREASS, who is having a Party

and king ahdahahaah has a wife, vashti, who is among the hottest women in the whole country.

king aheshhh, who is quite drunk at this point, is like VASHTI. VASHTI I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND HAVE FUN AT THIS PARTY. I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND DANCE FOR US AND WEAR YOUR CROWN

vashti is like ughhhhhhhh FINE

king aaaaaaahhahaha is like …ONLY YOUR CROWN

vashti is like …not fine

so, because this is ancient persia and men are terrible, vashti is promptly divorced and king aughjesus decides to hold the Country’s Biggest Beauty Contest, where the Most Beautiful Women in Persia will all audition to be his wife!!! (I TOLD YOU MEN WERE TERRIBLE)

MEANWHILE haman, a smug motherfucker with a three-pointed hat, is a councillor for the king. haman, because ancient persia does not have any kind of government that could be labeled “sensible”, makes a law that says Everyone In This Country Must Bow Down To Me When I Pass, because Reasons.

BUT, guess who does not bow down to people, you guessed right, it is the jews. chiefly and specifically in this instance an equally smug (but much less powerful) motherfucker by the name of mordecai.

haman passes mordecai, is like “you don’t look like you’re bowing??? that is not a bow shape??? exPLAIN.” mordecai is like “r u god? i don’t think yr god? i think god would have better taste in hats? so”

so haman is plotting like a motherfucker, which he is, and mordecai is Mad Afraid, but there is no time for plotting or fear because guess what it’s beauty contest time, motherfuckers

and guess who mordecai has enrolled in it, it is HIS NIECE, ESTHER

esther is hotter than vashti, but, like, in a chiller way. in my head, samira wiley. (in my head, esther is a lesbian. in my head esther is my girlfriend. right. ANYWAY)

king ahooleyhoo immediately picks esther, as she is the Most Beautiful Woman In A Ten Thousand Mile Radius (as are all jews OBVIOUSLY), and she is taken up into the palace to be the most beautiful and powerful woman in a ten thousand mile radius. and she is also mad smart, so

meanwhile haman has finished his Plotting and has resulted in this: he is going to get revenge against mordecai by Killing All The Jews.

“oh yeah,” say the jews. “real original.”

mordecai goes, well, coincidentally, i happen to have a niece who is the queen of persia. and ollies over like ESTHER? ESTHER HAMAN IS PLOTTING TO KILL US ALL. ALL THE JEWS. DO SOMETHING

esther is like, i have a solution to this. the solution involves getting naked.

so she holds a banquet for her husband the king, and at the banquet is like WOW… GOSH… I’M VERY NAKED… AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BANQUET. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF SEX AND GOOD FOOD, DARLING HUSBAND

darling husband is like fuck yes, gets drunk as shit. esther is like okay. yes. now that you are full of good food and heavily sexed up, can i have a thing. can that thing be that you vow to protect me from anyone who wants to kill me

…sure, says king aheshehaara. sg.

great, says esther. havin a banquet tomorrow night too. be there or be square

king ajldfghfdghk;dfghufgsdoi has no desire to be square, so he comes to the banquet tomorrow night to find that esther has also invited… HAMAN? “well,” he thinks to himself, “i have never pictured this threesome before, but y’know, life is a rich tapestry”

but eventually esther goes “ah okay remember that promise to protect me from anyone who would kill me. what if i told you. i knew a dude who would do that thing”

“I WOULD SUPER KILL THAT DUDE,” says king ahassafrass, who has exactly 2 problem-solving methods

“great,” says esther. “what if i told you… THIS IS THE DUDE.” AND SHE POINTS AT THE DUDE. WHO IS HAMAN. WHO IS AT THE TABLE!!!

!!!!! says king ahahahahhfewsse.

!!!!!! says esther.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ says haman.

so esther REVEALS SHE IS A JEW! and that haman is implicitly PLOTTING TO KILL HER! (“i didn’t– I WAS NOT AWARE,” says haman. “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING CHECKED THEN,” says esther. “OR WAIT. ANOTHER SOLUTION. IT’S DAWNING ON ME. AN EPIPHANY. YOU COULD NOT KILL PEOPLE”)

the king has haman hanged on the gallows on which he was planning to hang all the jews. and guess who is instituted as councillor in his place, that’s right, MORDECAI

who declares that the anniversary of Us Not Being Dead shall be celebrated every year forever with dressing up in costumes, and also that we shall eat little cookies shaped like haman’s hat, and also that whenever haman’s name is mentioned we will yell like hell

hey, says king aharseadslic. could, theoretically, this holiday include getting so drunk you can’t tell the difference between mordecai and haman

…i guess so, says mordecai

right, says king ahasuerus. carry on, haman

AND SO WE CONTINUE THESE TRADITIONS OF EATING COOKIES, WEARING COSTUMES, AND GETTIN SLOSHED, even SCATTERED ACROSS THE WORLD; and yes, i will be spending my thursday gettin drunk on my way to rome

so pour yrself a whiskey, put on a fake beard, and raise a glass: it’s purim 5776, and guess what, motherfuckers? 

you still ain’t managed to kill us yet.
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lannamichaels:

animatedamerican:

mugglehistory:

fromchaostocosmos:

chiribomb:

smalljewishgirl:

It’s nearly that time of year again where we celebrate that festival based on that time when they tried to kill us and we survived.

Oh yeah, the one with the food

you know the one with the traditions and the symbolism 

 Seeing how we’re getting specific: there’s singing

oh oh is this the one with the extra bits added to the liturgy  

oh right, the one where you end up playing phone tag with all of your relatives beforehand.
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No it wouldn’t. 

Not to pick on you specifically, but I’d just like to say this is a problem I encounter a lot on social media.

For some reason a lot of people feel like it would be “inappropriate” to step in to step up for Jews. I’m not even getting into Israel here (as an aside saying “but Israel” on a topic that’s not specifically about Israel is derailing and antisemitic), I mean Jews WITHOUT the subject of Israel being raised. We are told people don’t share Jewish concerns because they are concerned it would be overstepping. And yet I don’t see many of the same people being so cautious about other minorities and I don’t understand why. I’m sure I speak for many Jews when I say we are deeply frustrated by how hesitant people are to step up for us.

Just to give you an idea, one thing that stuck out to me was that when an antisemitic professor posted antisemitic conspiracy theories on her facebook wall at Oberlin College, professors had to be cojoled to anonymously make a generic anti-antisemitism statement. Anonymous! 

Do you have any idea how unsafe it makes us feel that tenured college professors at one of the most left-wing institutions in the country are afraid to even use their names when defending us?

Please. Speak up. And encourage others to do so. We feel very alone out here. 
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lannamichaels:

gnomerino:

bigsis144:

fenrisesque:

space-feminist:

iveforgottenmyusername:

jumpingjacktrash:

pipistrellus:

one thing that makes me sad about startrekverse is that alongside genuinely utopian things like “in the future there will be no poverty or hunger or crimes or illness” there is also “in the future there will be no religion” like what is this a john lennon song. i am sending you my least amused face

it saddens me that apparently a utopian future involves “”transcending”” religion which apparently universally and inherently holds humanity back?? whaaat. give me a break

i dont want to imagine a utopian SPACE FUTURE which has no, like, hijabi starfleet officers, or space rabbis bickering about what counts as “sunset” when you are on a space station. or what counts as “friday” for that matter

BUT MOST OF ALL

I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE A SPACE FUTURE IN WHICH EVERYONE DOES NOT VALIANTLY PRETEND THAT THERE IS NO ONE HOME ON THEIR STARSHIP WHEN THE MORMON MISSIONARY PODS COME BEETLING BY WITH THEIR DIGITAL PAMPHLETS

AND I AM WILLING TO BET THAT YOU DONT WANT TO IMAGINE THAT EITHER

i was nodding along all serious and then my tea came out my nose

“Captain, we’re being hailed”

“On Screen”

“Hello Captain, this is the Mormon Faith Ship Joseph Smith, have you thought about letting Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ into your life?”

“…You have reached the holographic life size double of Captain Pipistrellus, please leave a message after the beep. Um… beep?”

#omg can u imagine Space Judaism#it would be even worse than regular Judaism#in the best possible way

You’d think you’re making first contact on a new planet… but no, there’s already a Chabad house there, doors open to all.

There are a number of jokes about first contact situations where the aliens come to earth and have already encountered Chabadniks.

EXTERIOR - MARS - AFTERNOON

MARK WATNEY is driving across MARS. We see the lovely, lonely planet. Red
sand goes off into the distance, an unending forbidding terrain. Then MARK
comes across a mysterious STRUCTURE. Outside stands a woman in a customized
spacesuit of a design that does not comply with the regulations of any space
program that MARK is familiar with. For one, she’s wearing a skirt.

WOMAN IN SPACESUIT:

Shalom! Bruchim ha-bayim! Welcome! Do you need a place to stay by for
Shabbos? You would be doing a chessed. It’s almost candle-lighting and we need
one more for the minyan.
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Jews: *exist*
UN: this is inconvenient
jeb124: (Default)
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jewishlyriumghost:

imagine a world where finals are due during Christmas and when a devout Christian points this out their professor says “turn it in online before it starts”, effectively giving them a day shorter deadline.

Imagine that.

Because that just happened to my sister.
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thatfeministjewishgirl:

jewish-demi-dragoneyes:

squat-mitzvah:

socialistsephardi:

So the UN has decreed that Jews don’t have a connection to Jerusalem.

Fucking corrupt UN, acting as the puppet of injustice instead of the beacon of progress it was meant to be.

Jerusalem is the holiest city in Judaism and home to our holiest site.

This is a disaster.

I believe the message being sent out by jumblr that there is antisemitism in the resolution. But I was reading it and mind you I’ve never read a resolution before, but I was hoping someone could help me by explaining just how and which part of the resolution does so. http://ift.tt/2ekgMKB Once again, I totally believe it’s a thing I just don’t have the knowledge/resources to interpret it from the resolution.

1. The Temple Mount is ONLY referred to as Al Aqsa, even though it has significance to both religions and should be recognized as a holy site in Judaism as well as Islam.

2. The Kotel is referred to as “al-Buraq Plaza” without quotations but “the Western Wall” is in quotations. This is saying that the Muslim name is the true name and our name for our holiest site is just a nickname or some unofficial name. It strips us of our connection to our holiest and most important place. 

3. The Tomb of the Patriarchs and Rachel’s Tomb have their Jewish titles acknowledged but are referred to as “Palestinian sites” in the title and then they think saying “we recognize that this is important to all 3 faiths” makes that okay. They also want Israel to remove both sites from it’s list of national heritage sites - basically “we’re calling these Palestinian and saying you don’t have the right to call them heritage sites, but on this piece of paper we’re saying we recognize the Jewish connection so that makes it okay.”  

4. They are against Israel having control of the Mughrabi Gate, even though it is the only gate that non-Muslims may use to access the Temple Mount and even though it stems from the Western Wall plaza (which they again refuse to actually call the Western Wall without their ridiculous quotations). 

5. They also denounce a Jewish prayer area by the Mughrabi Gate/Western Wall. Seriously. Making the area more accessible to Jewish worshippers is apparently Not Okay, despite it being our holiest site. 

6. It condemns Israel for archaelogical studies done in and around the Old City. The largest reason for opposition to these digs is because Israel keeps finding more ancient Jewish stuff and anything that ties Jews to Israeli land makes it a lot harder to call us foreign colonizers. You can see this complete disrespect for Israel’s attempts to preserve our history by their treatment of officials from the Israeli Antiquities Authorirty - they say “the so-called ‘Israeli Antiquities’ officials.” It’s backhandedly saying that the concept of Israeli Antiquities isn’t a thing and that we have no right to anything in the Old City at all. 

7. All Palestinian projects to be conducted at the Temple Mount are to be greenlit immediately but all Israeli plans for around the Western Wall and the Temple Mount need to be stopped immediately and denounced by Israel. Hmm, that doesn’t sound like a double standard at all. (and again, when referring to planned Israeli projects, they are “the so-called ‘[blank]’”)

8. They continuously refer to Israel as “the occupying Power” despite the fact that a)the UN established Israel and b)the Director-General of UNESCO itself, Israeli politicians, and Jewish organizations worldwide have asked them to stop doing that.

9. It accuses Israel of disrupting the status quo on the Temple Mount despite numerous sources saying that never happened. It’s a claim made against Israel every time things get too quiet and it’s getting old.

Thank you for clarifying this. I was also confused.
jeb124: (Default)
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asearchforg-d:

lascapigliata:

This didn’t get nearly the attention it deserved

oh dammit
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agnellina:

baruchobramowitz:

I am a Jewish woman. I wear a tallit when I pray. I, unfortunately, have not had the opportunity to lay tefillin, but I really want to.

I deserve, I demand, the right to pray as such at the Kotel. That is the holiest place to our people. It represents the history of all Jews everywhere, in all its pain and glory, and therefore no single sect should have a stranglehold on prayer practices there.

When the rabbis in charge of setting policy at the Kotel tell me and other Jewish women like me that, against court rulings, they will refuse to let us pray in the manner than brings us in tune with the Divine, then they are telling us that we are not wanted at the Kotel. Our way of practicing is not pure enough to be allowed near the site of the Kadosh HaKadoshim. We are lesser, corrupted Jews.

I refuse to sit by and watch another one of my Jewish sisters be arrested and treated like dirt because she has the audacity to pray in the manner that brings her neshamah closer to G-d. And if it takes a media spectacle to expose this poisonous attitude, then call up the camera crews because I am ready to roll.

(Also, for some reason the rabbis think that allowing goyim, like the FREAKING POPE, to pray at the Kotel is acceptable, but not certain Jewish women.)

I always feel uncomfortable when I see photographs of gentile US politicians visiting the Western Wall, especially since they are ALWAYS wearing yarmulkes. I understand the argument that they’re wearing it to be respectful, but it comes across to me as a completely empty gesture.

If goyim are seen as being “respectful” by their empty and transient gestures of wearing kippot to the Western Wall, how can Jewish women be seen as being disrespectful by doing the same, except with actual MEANING behind the gestures?

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