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And in case you wanted to know why Leia was kicked out of boarding school.

[text referring to Princess Leia from a database, likely as a bonus/flavor text in a videogame:
Letter to Senator Bail Organa:
To the Most Respected Senator Organa,
It is with the deepest regret that I must return to you your thirty-thousand credit bond, and your Princess. Our institution has existed for several thousand years. It prides itself in molding young girls from Alderaan’s finest families into young women whose behavior and decorum is the pride of those families.
However, we believe that Princess Leia is incapable of conforming to our standards. This is the unanimous decision of the Board of Directors, and was arrived at due to three separate infractions.
a) The Princess led a sit-in rebellion of students during breakfast, when they were served bottled juice instead of freshly squeezed.
b) The Princess re-programmed the PA system to play the Anthem of the Republic (in direct violation of Imperial Edict 2.33b) during assembly.
c) The Princess sliced a secure mainframe and swapped every reference to Emperor Palpatine with Emperor… well, let us just say that is is a word seven year old Princesses should not know.
Yours, with respect,
Madam Nestor,
Govorness, Grevasse City Colloglum for Young Ladies]

LEIA ORGANA GOT KICKED OUT OF BOARDING SCHOOL BC SHE WAS A LITTLE ANTI-IMPERIALIST PUNK
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Things I had never considered about Alderaan’s destruction until this very moment: thisThings I was not prepared to start bawling over at midnight: also this, holy shit
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i may despise galen erso from the bottom of my shriveled maggoty heart but i have to tell you guys how he managed to sneak in the death star weak spot according to the rogue one novelization because it’s hilarious. if you’re expecting some feat of engineering genius so subtle no one noticed it, you are wrong. galen got krennic to sign off on it himself.

he annoyed the fuck out of krennic by cc-ing him in like a million emails to death star r&d. 

so i know we’re behind schedule here but we found this structural flaw and wanted to let you guys know about it, says galen.

and r&d is like okay so how do we fix it? 

and galen is like well we could start over? 

and r&d is like no that’ll take too long. 

and galen promises to think about it and writes to them later all hey how about we make some additional investments and get better materials?

and r&d is like no that’s too expensive. 

and galen is like weeeell…. 

and r&d is like well what?

and galen goes well there’s something we can do but you’re not gonna like it.

and r&d is like okay what is it. 

and galen is like are you sure you want to hear it?

yes, goes r&d. 

like, really really super sure? 

yes, goes r&d.

okay so the problem is radiation buildup, says galen. have i mentioned the problem is radiation buildup?

30 emails ago, r&d says.

right, so. says galen. we could build this exhaust port but it’s not going to get rid of all the radiation all the time, so if you’re having some stormtroopers around they might be exposed to it. i can look into some other options to reduce–

at which point krennic, who’s been cc’d in all of this, goes JUST PUT THE FUCKING EXHAUST PORT IN AND GET IT OVER WITH FUCK THOSE STORMTROOPERS ALL THESE EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS

and galen is like okay :)

This, THIS is EXACTLY why I felt the need to tweet Alexander Freed and let him know why the novelisation was so important to me, because this is a man who understands the absolute mind-numbing tedium of project management by committee.

Star Wars is and always has been about human nature, and sure, we chuck in some lasers and spaceships for funsies, but it’s about politics and human behaviour, and if you can make one of the the biggest plot holes in sci-fi history turn into a completely logical and rational event just because you understand that big decisions get made precisely because “I AM TOO TIRED TO BOTHER WITH THIS ANY MORE” then you are an absolute immortal genius, to my mind.

Oh my god I wish this was included in the movie somehow.

This is the most amazing and accurate and True To Life thing I have ever seen.
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New The Last Jedi promo art.
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Awesome photo from the official Star Wars Twitter account.

#I’m still so amused that han’s idea of formal wear is “exactly the same shit but buttoned up above the clavicle”     #that’s his idea of getting dressed up     #luke is wearing his nice formal black and leia is statuesque with half a ton of braids on her head     #but han just….did up two or three buttons…     #mY LOSER SPACE SON  

@claudiajeancregg-concannon

# can we also talk about the fact that Luke is wearing Han’s clothes. #which makes sense since his home was burned he didn’t bring a change of clothes # so this means Han put off wearing new threads to this thing and let Luke wear his only other good clothes #but what about you, Han #eh, it’s fine kid, I’ll just button up the collar.
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Aug. 24th, 2017 10:23 pm
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bodhiandors:

 “They are requesting a call sign.”

“It’s, um…Rogue. Rogue One.”

HE NAMED THE SHIP

BODHI ROOK FATHER OF ROGUE SQUADRON

(THE SQUADRON LUKE SKYWALKER FLEW IN)

AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF PILOTS AND STARFIGHTERS PAYING TRIBUTE TO HIM

IT’S HIM

HE’S THE PILOT

Bodhi Fuckin Rook. Let me talk about Bodhi Rook for a second.

Riz Ahmed’s first acting role was as a guy imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay. One of the Tipton Three, who tried to sue Rumsfeld for torture and religious abuses but who failed because the torture hadn’t technically been prohibited and Rumsfeld was technically immune from prosecution.

So we take a guy with a very specific set of imagery associated with him and we put him stumbling and terrified in the desert with a bag covering his head. Heck, put him through interrogation techniques invasive enough that people tend to go crazy from them.

Take this guy, this guy whose skin is brown and whose family live in a war-torn city full of suicide attacks against tank-driven peacekeeping patrols.

Make him clever and brave and beautiful. Make the audience cheer when his plans go right. Make his intel pivotal to everything, and then do it again. 

Remember those jokes in Kevin Smith and Mike Myers movies about evil henchmen with regular families, about contract workers on the Death Star, about whether they deserved to die just for having worries about paychecks and taking a job? 

Those jokes are all about Bodhi Fucking Rook, an intergalactic long-haul trucker, and they aren’t jokes anymore because his answer is that you don’t stay some anonymous jerk just keeping his head down and acting like the machine he’s in isn’t his responsibility. You find something pure and strong in yourself, that inch of integrity Alan Moore told us about once, the thing that’s worth more than your life.

Luke Skywalker resonated with the audience because he was a fresh-faced farm boy setting off on the hero’s journey, and that gets us on a primal gut level.

Bodhi Rook isn’t an ancient archetype like Luke is. Bodhi Rook is a modern achetype. Bodhi Rook is the human face that we all hope looks back in the mirror at us when we ask ourselves if we’re willing to compromise our humanity – are we willing to ignore Guantanamo and Manus, turn a blind eye to Rumsfeld and Dutton and Morrison? Is it okay to take a job installing air conditioning on the Death Star when you know that it’s the Death Star, because someone’s gotta do it and you need the cash?

We all hope that when the question comes, we answer the way Bodhi Rook did.
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We all know that Hoth was a simmering mess of hormones and stress and I would pay good money for a soap opera about them. Here are some things which Definitely Happened: 

There’s a betting pool going on who takes Luke’s virginity. The favourites are Han and Leia, but Wedge Antilles has pretty good odds, and there’s a small contingent of aliens who are convinced it will be Chewie (after all, who could resist that Wookie musk? Headcanon: most alien races consider humans soft and gross. Most alien races find Wookies absurdly attractive. Han Solo isn’t the ladykiller; Chewie is.)

Leia and Han scream at each other in every corner of the base. Everyone is desperate for them to fuck. They do not. The sexual tension is so thick that it could be cut into blocks and sold as wall insulation. More than once they are ‘accidentally’ locked in a supply cupboard in the vain hope that claustrophobia will act as the catalyst that enables their frustration to spark into true love – or at least nasty raunchy cupboard sex. It does not. All that happens is that the offender has legally changed their name to escape the Wrath of Organa. 

Someone paints a shirtless Han Solo on their X Wing. Leia is furious. Han is delighted: both at the highly flattering portrait (he has an eight-pack, he is shredded) and at Leia’s fury (you’re jealous princess/no I am not/you’re jealous, hey I can pose like that for you if you –). Hoth’s winter had nothing on the chilly silence that followed that suggestion. 

Luke and Leia both have very graphic dreams about Han Solo. Han Solo has very graphic dreams about the twins –  individually, together, he’s thirty fucking years old, why is his brain doing this to him.(Later on they will, individually, realise that due to Luke and Leia’s Force-bond they probably created a circle of Han Solo Sex Dreams: Leia had them, so Luke sensed her lust for Han which intensified his own lust for Han, which led to Luke having Han Solo sex dreams, which led to Leia lusting – and so on, and so on. For the sake of their sanity, they never share this revelation which each other.)

Luke is SO COLD. All the time. WHY DOES NO ONE APPRECIATE HOW COLD HE IS. He comes from a desert world. Of course he’s cold! What is all this white stuff? It was pretty for the first fve seconds but holy fucking Force it is so cold it burns and what the hell is going on with that? He bundles himself up in so many layers that he waddles rather than walks. Fearsome Last of the Jedi indeed.

Luke tapes a knife to a cleaning droid (disc-shaped things that swish around the base, sucking up dirt) and names it Stabby. Why, says Leia. Luke, the boy from Tatooine, shining and happy despite everything says why not. Why not indeed. Stabby is very fond of chasing Han. Han wants desperately to shoot the fucking thing– but then he sees big-eyed Luke and sharp-toothed Leia cooing over it and, well. A little bit of light stabbing is nothing, compared to those two smiling. 

STABBY THE SPACE ROOMBA!

I am torn between wanting Stabby to be grabbed and evacuated along with the Rebels and make it to the next base, and wanting Stabby to get Vader.

Compromise: shortly after losing the Millennium Falcon, Vader, storming through the Rebel base, is startled to feel a sudden jolt of pain from the artificial sensors on his left leg prosthetic: a sharp sensation on his ankle. Surprised, because he sensed no threat–is the limb malfunctioning?–he looks down, and there is a cleaning droid with a knife taped to it, a little painted-on Rebel lieutenant’s insignia, and the word STABBY written on it.

He stares down at it, completely and utterly taken aback for the first time in over a decade. Fearlessly, it chitters back at him, sounding very triumphant.

He picks it up.

Off in the fractal weirdness of hyperspace, Rebels on several ships are surprised to find an update on Stabby’s kill-update feed, and then thoroughly shocked at the accompanying image: the upward-pointing camera has captured an image of Darth Vader staring down at the droid.

It’s the fastest news ever to travel through the Rebel grapevine, the mix of triumph and loss that is, they are certain, Stabby’s heroic last stand.

Until a day later, when the thing updates again, this time showing an extremely confused Imperial officer. And another, and another, and another, day after day.

They cancel the funeral.

Vader hasn’t done much just for the fun of it in two decades. Watching Imperial officers swear and clutch their ankles as a cleaning drone with a knife taped to it, an Imperial emblem, lieutenant’s insignia, and the word STABBY painted on it, bumps into them and then chatters triumphantly, he’s figured he’s earned.

STABBY FIC!  STABBY STARWARS FIC!  YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY!

But do they send in a rescue unit to reclaim their most honorable POW?

no, the rebels are all too happy to have vader backing one of their most valuable psychological weapons.  stabby’s antics are invaluable for their ability to escalate tension within imperial ranks, and vader’s personal amusement means stabby will get to keep running his miniature interference mission for a long time to come

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS

STABBY LIVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Grand Moff Tarkin limps into Vader’s quarters. Again. “Lord Vader, enough of this.”

“I have altered the droid; pray I do not alter it any further.”

(If there’s one thing young Anakin Skywalker can appreciate, it’s a hot-rodded maintenance droid, c’mon.)

VADER PUTS A LIGHTSABRE ON STABBY

HE CALLS IT HIS APPRENTICE

MY SON WILL NOT TURN TO THE DARKSIDE BUT MY SON’S STABBY SON WILL

Stabby is eventually recovered and given a medal after the defeat of the Emperor, but his poor little chassis is too badly damaged by then to even hold onto the knife anymore. His internal mechanism is removed and upgraded, and then the Master Droid Tech charged with fixing him casts around for a new casing to put him in.

“Hey!” calls a teenaged Poe Dameron, walking into the Droid repair shop. “I got this decommissioned BB-8 chassis they said to bring in here. It needs a new owner. Captain said I can have it if I can find a new mechanism for it.”

The Master Droid Tech looks at Stabby, then at the BB-8 chassis, then back at Stabby. Stabby turns his unsheathed ocular sensor to Poe and beeps adoringly. (This is a common if relatively new reaction to Poe Dameron, who has just graduated from his Awkward Stage.)

“Yeah, I got one for you right here,” the Tech says, grinning. 

Shortly after Poe gives in to the pleading beeps and whirs and upgrades BB-8 with a miniature welding torch he starts noticing a lot more people limping around the base…

Poe takes BB-8 on a mission to a trade world. He is unfortunate enough to make himself a gang target, and in the ensuing fight he almost the guy sneaking up behind him. The shockingly loud scream of agony and furious beeps are his only warning…

Poe wonders sometimes at why so many cities are banning welding torches smaller than a spanner. He was there just last week and didn’t have any problems, and BB-8 had so much fun, he was trilling excitedly for hours on the way back. Now if he ever wants to go back he won’t be able to bring BB-8 along…

ADDITIONAL HEADCANON APPROVED. 
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12 Times Han Solo Used The Force Without Knowing It

I need Han to accidentally be force strong, mostly because HE WOULD HATE THAT SO MUCH

“Wow so you’re basically a self-taught Jedi”
“WHAT–ARE YOU–I’M THE BEST PILOT IN–”
“That’s force shit”
“I’M AN EXCELLENT SHOT”
“Yeah, because of the force”
“I’M INCREDIBLY PERSUASIVE”
“That’s the force making people believe your terrible lies against all reason ”
“I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL”

I can picture his reaction now…

Originally posted by gameraboy

No, but this is:

Originally posted by sterkiller

Oh heck

George Lucas can pry Force Sensitive Han from my cold dead hands.

I love everything about this theory, but my favourite part of it by far is now utterly offended he’d be by the suggestion.
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I LOVE DYING
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poplitealqueen:

I wonder if the Star Wars universe has its own version of McDonalds. You know, a fast food conglomerate that somehow manages to pop up *everywhere*, no matter how backwater the planet or the political climate. “Doesn’t matter if you’re Separatist or Republic, Jedi or Sith, Imperial or Rebel, Outer or Inner Rim, you can be sure there’s a Twgly’s down the street ready to serve you delicious, never frozen bantha burgers.”

THERE IS.  It’s called biscuit baron and fugging Admiral Tagge is an admiral becuase his family owns it.

Gallus, I could kiss you and your wealth of SW trivia right now.

Biscuit Baron IM SCREAMING

reminds me of a fast food restaurant I saw in North Carolina called Biscuitville

BISCUIT BARON GTFO OF HERE

I am working this into a Snark Wars recap somewhere. I HAVE TO. 

*sobs* THE ARTICLE IS SO WORTH IT.

THEY HAD JEDI HAPPY MEAL TOYS. 

Oh my God this is the best thing I’ve read all day. 
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This was supposed to be part of a larger piece, but it wasn’t working, so I’ll post it as it is for now. 
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i’m dying scoob
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My last minute addition to the ★  Star Wars Day! ★
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mysharona1987:

Everyone else was just like: “Oh, fuck: It’s Vader!” and standing around in shock and terror when Vader was revealed. Even Chewie.

Most people, I suspect, would have that reaction. 

Meanwhile, Han’s first reaction, instinctively, in less than a second, was to grab a gun and try to flat-out end the guy.

He failed, of course. But God Damn if you can’t appreciate the effort. 

Also, he grabs his girl’s hand. Not only is he going to end Vader, he’s going to do so while reassuring the woman he loves that this monster who tortured her won’t hurt her again as long as he’s there to do something about it.

The point of this scene:

Han was nothing to Vader. Not really. Han was just a normal, average guy. Vader didn’t think too much of him. 

“I have superpowers; you don’t!”

But then: doesn’t Han show more love, affection, guts and courage in this moment than any Jedi warrior ever could? 

Thus, Vader is shown up.

Attempting to kill an evil wizard with a regular gun is one of the most Han Solo things ever. I don’t think most people would even bother trying, because you can’t just shoot Darth Vader, right? Of course not. But Han’s gonna goddamn try it anyway.

Yeah, basically’ Han tried.

Sometimes that’s all you can ever ask of someone. 

Just one of many reasons I love this man

With Han, you never have to wonder, “Why didn’t he just shoot them?” Whenever you’d think that, he shoots them.

Han Solo is a practical soul and if he’s got the chance to just shoot them he’s gonna take it
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artista - Clémentine Campardou
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i know it’s super insignificant but i’ve always wondered about the “we’ll pay you the rest when we reach alderaan” part because did obi-wan really have this much money stashed away or was he just planning to go “hello bail, old friend, nice to see you again, it’s been years, pay for my cab please?”

It’s even funnier because in the audio drama he and Han have a debate about money and he tells Han he’s gotten along just fine all his life without money, and asks Han, “Have you seen a single credit pass through my hands?” and Han is like, “Uh, the kid here paid for your ride” and Obi Wan is just like “exactly.” So you know he was totally planning on just having Bail pay the rest.

#obiwan kenobi is a fucking con artist
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